


what my struggle means

by zornslemon



Category: Bunheads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-13 22:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zornslemon/pseuds/zornslemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gay, Sasha thinks, cannot possibly mean happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what my struggle means

Sasha's six years old, and she already knows that her house is a war zone. If no one's yelling, it means that one of her parents isn't home, because her mom has to tell her dad that he's staying out too late, and her dad has to tell her mom that she's overreacting, and all Sasha can do is hide in her room because she doesn't know where else she can go.

This time, though, her mom says something she doesn't understand. "You shouldn't have married me if you're gay," she yells.

Sasha asks Ginny what gay means during dance the next day. "Oh, it's when a boy is in love with another boy or a girl is in love with another girl," Ginny says.

Sasha doesn't really see what's wrong with that, but she figures that if her mom is so mad about it, it has to be a bad thing.

\---

Boo likes Charlie, Mel likes Brian, and Sasha wishes everyone would just shut up about who they like because this whole middle school romance thing is dumb, and she's far too practical to like anyone anyways.

At least that's what she says until she's in dance class one day while Madame Fanny is talking about their costumes for the winter recital, and she suddenly notices that she's looking at Boo even though she should be looking at Madame Fanny like the supposedly attentive student she is. Boo's always been Sasha's best friend of course. She's wonderful and nice, and Sasha suddenly realizes that she thinks Boo is absolutely gorgeous, and, okay, this is sounding eerily like a crush.

It will pass, she tells herself. It has to.

\---

She makes a list of reasons she can't be gay.

The Sharks in West Side Story (because they've always been better than the Jets, no questions asked).

She watches the movie again and finds herself staring at Natalie Wood the whole time.

Zac Efron in Hairspray (which she realizes she's only seen because it's Boo's favorite movie)

She watches it, gagging from the cheesiness of the whole thing and realizing that she's spending an inordinate amount of time looking at Amanda Bynes.

That guy who plays the director in Smash (because, hey, the pilot didn't suck).

She watches the pilot again and keeps noticing herself looking at Megan Hilty's chest.

\---

"I don't get why anyone would want to be gay," Sasha overhears in the locker room before gym class. "I mean, it's like you're just setting yourself up to be unhappy."

Sasha cringes, because wanting was never a part of it.


End file.
